i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
