i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
