new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
