Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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