oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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