it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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