my phone cant type all the emotion im having
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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