we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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