Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
