dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
