i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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