That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
