Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
