I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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