New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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