why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
