i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
