and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So. Much. Porn.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
