I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
