i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
