id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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