Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.

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(509): View more from Washington

the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.

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(817): View more from Texas

Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.

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(478): View more from Georgia

It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.

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