you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
