it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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