I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
