After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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