Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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