Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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