it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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