Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
