U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
