spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
