I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
