First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize