dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
