somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
