He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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