I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
