just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
