I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
