I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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