Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
