Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
