i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
