i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You work out of a Hotel?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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