her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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