playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is her dick bigger than yours?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
