i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
