I just threw up on my dentist
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize