did you get engaged???
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If the people youβre with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize