one two three fourrrrnication!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
where does the pee come out of this thing
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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