I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize