So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
