Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
