3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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