If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
