Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
