i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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