she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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