It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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