The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
