i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
