I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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