woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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