just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
