Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
