last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
