so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
