Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize