beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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